Here I am sitting in the passenger seat of my van. How I got out the of the driver's seat.
In May 2017 I shared on social media how I have Hashimoto’s Disease (an autoimmune disease) and how superfoods are giving me my health back. Often times we think of our health as a physical thing we can see. We as a culture don’t talk about conditions around mental health. It could be depression, anxiety or something else. We are a hurting world and we need love and support and not judgement. We all have layers that we share with others and often we have layers we keep private. Today I will share my story about my anxiety that I typically keep private. I am sharing because I am feeling the layer peel away like it never has before.
I have had anxiety from a young age. My parents divorced when I was around 7 and my world was very different from that point forward. Sometimes I didn’t feel my voice was being heard, I wondered if I mattered, and I wanted a stable home.
When I was 23 I became a flight attendant. During my time as a flight attendant I experienced engine failure, the cockpit had a fire, a passenger almost dying during flight, passengers being arrested for drunk behavior, and while I was in the aisle with the beverage cart I was thrown towards the ceiling due to turbulence. I was put on medical leave after being thrown to make sure I was mentally sound to be in charge during a flight. I was released to return to work. I did decide to leave my job though. I didn’t want to be in charge of passengers anymore. My last day being employed was 8/11/2001. On 9/11 my cell phone was ringing nonstop to see if I was okay since I had been based in Boston at the time. I hadn’t shared with many that I had left one month earlier. My anxiety was intense that day and the days following. My anxiety stayed with me after my experiences. 10 years ago I was waiting to become a parent. I was excited and nervous. I would become a parent to an active 2 year old. During my time as a mom I have had common anxiety that many parents have. I forward think EVERYTHING! I am the prepared parent and many laugh at how prepared I am. I am judged often. I have been given so much advice when I didn’t ask for it. We all have our experiences and it is natural to want to share what worked for us. I get it. What was hard for me was many have never adopted. Many aren’t present parents and that is how I wanted to be. So I turned to books that spoke to me. Books filled the hole that I wasn’t getting from people in my life. The judgement I felt was HUGE! I knew I was parenting the best for my children not for anyone else’s children. I was isolated, lonely and sad. My anxiety was present.
When I started with superfoods my focus was my Hashimoto’s. I wasn’t thinking about my anxiety. 2 weeks ago we were invited to a pool party. I was driving my family. I am typically the driver because of my anxiety. On our way my husband asked me how he can help with my anxiety. I had to think why I would be having anxiety. So I asked him what he meant. He said anxiety around the pool, new people, non-organic food options, etc. I was pleasantly surprised that I had not thought about any of these things. I was in the moment and going with the flow. Big moment for the both of us.
Friday night we were headed to the ice rink. I had to make a phone call during the time we would be driving. So my husband drove….which doesn’t happen often. I am so tense when someone else drives. We arrived 30 minutes later to the rink. He said to me that he was able to drive without my anxiety coming through. I am glad he said that. Sometimes we don’t notice these changes until someone else points them out.
Superfoods are nourishing my body and mind! My voice and thoughts are clear, I matter and I am making changes for ME, and my home is stable and full of LOVE! I am surrounded by people who support me and there isn’t the judgement that I had been isolating myself from. My anxiety is drifting away and I feel free!
I share my story because this could be your story or someone you know. Reach out to me if you want to learn more about what I am doing!
Written in June 2017 and in June 2020 I continue to flood my body with superfoods.